• Adriana Tanese Nogueira


Atualizado: 6 de Abr de 2020

Self-esteem is, as someone wrote, the reputation we have acquired from us. This means that when we have self-esteem we know that we can count on us. We are, in our eyes, reliable people with regard to those matters important to us.

It is useless to be reliable in the eyes of others because we kept our commitments, because we helped friends or because we got a promotion at work. Self-esteem is much more than that. If we are helping a friend because we don't know how to say no, if we are giving that hand for the thousandth time by not doing something important for us, if the promotion we won is to do a job that has nothing to do with us, that takes us away from the joy of living. If we keep a commitment at the expense of not being committed to our needs, then our self-esteem will not be able to grow. On the contrary, we are daily demonstrating to ourselves that we have let ourselves down.

The reputation we need to have with us develops by meeting our deepest priorities. Often, we think that we are taking care of ourselves by doing things that meet a code and a social expectation, but that actually means nothing to the inner eye. And we continue to have low self-esteem.

So we explain why it happens to discover that people who seem successful, beautiful, admired, “powerful” have extremely low self-esteem. They have met the social requirements of a culture that does not fill its soul void. In striving to be as they are expected to be, they fail to hear the inner call that demands attention.

The level of self-esteem is, therefore, like a thermometer of the relationship we have with us. The person well adapted to the external world, but who does not know how to deal with his internal world, will not be able to be really comfortable and secure, because he is out of touch with the internal world. True “success” in the world, that is, a serene and balanced life, requires adaptation to both the external and the internal world because otherwise the latter “sabotages” us. In fact, it is not even sabotage: no one can go far walking on one leg.

It is only thanks to the internal psychological harmony that a healthy life is achieved. From this “support”, so to speak, internal to our self-esteem, that is, our internal reputation gains bases. In this way, we will be able to count on us knowing that we will be able to face whatever comes and goes, not as desperate survivors who overcome a war full of wounds and trauma, but as one who faces the challenges of life, leaving them more whole and wiser.

So, to develop good self-esteem you need to start looking inside yourself and finally becoming aware of what inhabits you and getting your hands dirty about those issues that you have known you have been dragging on for a long time. And so to be able to move freely within you without being afraid to feel whatever you may feel, perceive, think, see, realize. No fear, no escape.

This contact with you, which is a presence to themselves, is the basis of the internal adaptation process that allows us to develop high self-esteem.

“Don't worry if others appreciate you. Worry about appreciating yourself. ” (Confucius)

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